I wonder if Lincoln is rolling in his grave.

The 13th Amendment which was written to outlaw slavery pushed through congress the same year Abraham Lincoln died.  Sometime after that, the rest of us began dying too, though from slavery of a different kind.  Good ‘ole Uncle Sam, the bastard rapes his nieces and nephews every day with no remorse.  I wonder… where is our emancipation?

Humans have been all about industrialization in one form or another since time began.  The drive for production, growth, new technologies, convenience, bigger and (*ahem*) better things has taken us down roads our ancestors could have never dreamed of, and yet, it was their dreams that started the process; dreams of having more.

So now, every day we drive the same roads with the same traffic and the same buildings to reach that destination we call “work.”  We often do things we can’t stand for people who don’t care to elevate a world we don’t matter to.  We thrive on hot pockets and caffeinated beverages, all so we can hit unrealistic, meaningless numbers and get to that glorious moment at the end of the week where we can say ‘TGIF.’   And then we’re off to see the city lights, hit the bars, or stay at home hugging Ben & Jerry.  We try to recuperate on Saturday, yet we never do, and Sunday we pray for God to help us through the next cycle and hope we brought in enough to pay the electric bill this month. 

As with any unhappiness, we feel stuck. We are tired. We are slaves who long to be free.  We look to society for relief.  It tells us, “If you don’t like what you’re doing, change it.”  As if that’s always just so easy.  So it’s back to the drawing board we go.  Back to school.  Back to more time and money investments. Back to owing someone else just to reach a place where we can hopefully still muster a genuine smile at the end of today and maybe even look forward to returning to that place tomorrow.

This year, I’m beginning the journey to free myself.  It has taken me 33 years to figure all this shit out.  I can’t say that I’m excited about grad school in its entirety, but I’m excited about pursuing something that matters to me.  Something that will bring some joy to me rather than make it such a struggle to feel it.  It’s not about acquiring more things, because in that sense, I long for less.  I ache for nature and the simple things in life.  The truth is that when we are free, we actually get to enjoy what we have, rather than desiring more.  I hope everyone who reads this will stand the fuck up and fight for their freedom, too.  We have all been dying a slow death as slaves for far too long.  It’s time for the phoenix to rise.

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The things that make me smile….

It seems like we so often equate happiness to having more money, more time, more space, more…. whatever.  While these can certainly make life easier and even more enjoyable, etc., sometimes it really is just the simple things that mean the most to me in the little day to day moments I experience.  I’ve been at a local bakery/diner doing work on my laptop this afternoon while my love sits next to me writing.  We are virtually saying nothing to each other during this time, but just knowing he’s next to me, and looking over to see him doing the thing he loves to do….  that makes me smile.  ❤ 

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Sometimes….

….It takes all I have in me to keep from telling him in a thousand different ways how amazing he is to me and how crazy I am about him….

But for now I’m content with what God has blessed me with and what He is preparing me for.  Maybe one day I’ll have the chance to share my love…

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Half of my heart won’t do…

If I love, then it must be with my full heart, otherwise I cannot call it love.  There is risk involved in loving, but God places love in our hearts for a reason.  Even without reciprocation, love is valuable, teachable….  and to be able to love selflessly is a gift.

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Trusting in God

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the subject of trusting in God.  People say they do, it’s preached on, and it’s written about, but what does it really mean to trust in Him?  And, when we say we trust Him, do we truly?

Trusting in God isn’t meant to just be a situational thing, a sometimes thing, or a halfhearted thing.  It’s meant to be a full-fledged exertion of giving the cares, concerns, and desires of our hearts over to Him.  It’s giving it all up to Him and letting the baggage of worry and doubt and fear go.  It should be an every moment of every day kind of thing, something we apply to each of the decisions we make, a way of life.  

In trusting God, we must also agree to abide by His will.  If we say we trust in Him, yet continue a lifestyle of seeking out our own agenda, we aren’t truly trusting in Him because we are still trying to keep the control ourselves.  We must let go of the reigns and hand them to Him, as He knows best where and when to guide us and He is the only one that won’t lead us astray.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but I personally would rather have He who can see the future direct my thoughts and actions than for me or someone else to do it since we aren’t even able to see what will occur in the next five minutes.  

There are many scriptures in the Bible that relate to trusting in God.  Some are: 

“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.”  —Psalm 9:10

 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” —Proverbs 3:5-6

 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”—Isaiah 26:3-4 

 “Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” —Jeremiah 17:5-8

 “And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” —Matthew 14:23-33

 “So he came again to Cana in Galilee, where he had made the water wine. And at Capernaum there was an official whose son was ill. When this man heard that Jesus had come from Judea to Galilee, he went to him and asked him to come down and heal his son, for he was at the point of death. So Jesus said to him, “Unless you see signs and wonders you will not believe.” The official said to him, “Sir, come down before my child dies.” Jesus said to him, “Go; your son will live.” The man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him and went on his way. As he was going down, his servants met him and told him that his son was recovering. So he asked them the hour when he began to get better, and they said to him, “Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him.” The father knew that was the hour when Jesus had said to him, “Your son will live.” And he himself believed, and all his household.”  —John 4:46-53 

 “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” —Romans 8:38-39 

 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.” —1 John 5:14-15  

 These are only a handful of scriptures out of many that could have been quoted here, but they show that trusting in God to care for us, provide for us, love us, and watch out for our best interests is a pivotal part of the Christian life.  We shouldn’t waiver in trusting in Him.  When we doubt Him, we will find that we are outside of His perfect will for our lives, and we will miss out on living to the fullest because we will be too caught up in trying to do things our way rather than allowing Him to lead us. 

Why should be trust Him?  He sent Jesus Christ, His one and only son to die for us on the cross so that we might have a way to be with Him forever, this is the gift of salvation.  All that’s left for us to do is to make the choice to embrace it.  To do this, we must trust.  After all, isn’t trust the very thing that healthy relationships are based on?

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When night falls…

Sometimes the moments of silence are hardest to deal with, but they also produce strength, and clarity.

Father, break me and mold me, so that I can be Yours…. 

….He makes all things new….

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